A father in a hurry taking his 8-year-old son to school
makes a turn at a red light where it isn't allowed.
"Uh-oh, I just made an illegal turn!" the man said.
"That's OK Dad," the son says, "The police car right
behind us did the same thing."
FIVE KINDS OF SEX
1) The first is Smurf Sex. This happens during the honey- moon, you both
keep doing it until you're blue in the face.
2) The second is Kitchen Sex. This is at the beginning of the marriage,
you'll have sex anywhere, anytime, even in the kitchen.
3) The third kind is Bedroom Sex. You've calmed down a bit, perhaps have
kids, so you gotta do it in the bedroom.
4) The fourth kind is Hallway Sex. This is where you pass each other in the
hallway and say, "F*ck you!"
5) The fifth kind of sex: Courtroom Sex. This is when you get divorced and
your wife screws you in front of everyone in the courtroom.
A man walks in a Bank gets in line and when it was his turn he pulls out
a gun and robs the Bank! But just to make sure he leaves no witnesses he
turns around and asks the next customer in line. Did you see me Rob this
Bank?
The customer replies..YES!
The bank robber raises his gun and shoots the guy in the head. He quickly
moves to the next customer in line and says to the man "Did you see me rob
this bank?"
The man calmly responds..."No.. But My Wife Did!"
NEW TAX CODE
The only thing IRS has not yet taxed is the penis.
This is due to the fact that 70% of the time it is hanging around unemployed,
13% of the time it is pissed off, 12% of the time it is hard up, and 5% of
the time it's in the hole.
It has two dependents, but they're nuts.
Issues still under consideration are as follows: Are there penalties for early
withdrawal? Do multiple partners count as a corporation? Are condoms deductible
as work clothes?
Effective January 1, 2009, penises will be taxed according to size. The brackets
are as follows:
10"-12" Luxury Tax
8"-9" Pole Tax
6"-7" Privilege Tax
4"-5" Nuisance Tax
Note: Males exceeding 12" must file under capital gains. Anyone under 4" is eligible
for a refund.
PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION!!!
The girl knelt in the confessional and said, "Bless me, Father, for
I have sinned."
"What is it, child?"
"Father, I have committed the sin of vanity. Twice a day I gaze at
myself in the mirror and tell myself how beautiful I am."
The priest turned, took a good look at the girl, and said, "My dear,
I have good news. That isn't a sin - it's only a mistake."
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