Some tourists in the Chicago Museum of Natural History are marveling at the dinosaur bones. One of them asks the guard, "Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?" The guard replies, "They are 3 million, four years, and six months old." "That's an awfully exact number," says the tourist. "How do you know their age so precisely?" The guard answers, "Well, the dinosaur bones were three million years old when I started working here, and that was four and a half years ago."

 

A surgeon went to check on his blonde patient after an operation. She was awake, so he examined her. "You'll be fine," he said. She asked, "How long will it be before I am able to have a normal sex life again doctor?" The surgeon seemed to pause, which alarmed the girl. "What's the matter Doctor? I will be all right, won't I?" He replied, "Yes, you'll be fine. It's just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out."

 

NYMPHOMANIAC - a man's term for a woman who wants to have sex more often than he does. FRIGID - a man's term for a woman who wants to have sex less often than he does, or who requires more foreplay than lifting her nighty.

 

This guy fell asleep on the beach one day and the wind came up and blew sand all over him until he was covered with only his big toe sticking out. An old nympho was walking down the beach, saw the toe sticking up, pulled down her bikini bottom and squatted over the toe. She humped away till she was satisfied, pulled up her drawers and left. The guy woke up, brushed the sand away and left, not knowing what happened. The next day his foot itched like hell, and had a sore on it. He went to the Dr. and after an exam the doc told him he had syphilis of the big toe. "Syphilis of the big toe?", he inquired, "isn't that rare." The doc said "You think that's rare, I had a woman in here this morning with athlete's pussy."

Hell is a place where ... all the police are German; the British are the chefs; the Norwegians are the singers; the French are in charge of organization; the Australians are the lovers; the Swiss run the navy; the Americans are the brewers; the Belgians put up the signposts; all the comedians are Swedish; the South Africans are in charge of racial integration; the only logic is Irish; the speech therapists are Scottish; the Ethiopians are in charge of agricultural policy; the Italians run the armed forces; the Indians are in charge of birth control; the tour companies are run by Icelanders; all the economists are Brazilian; the Serbs are in charge of human rights; the Spanish are the road builders; all the orphanages are run by Romanians; ...and the common language is Dutch; Heaven is a place where ... the Germans are in charge of the organization; all the police are British; all the environmentalists are Norwegian; the French are the chefs; the Swiss are the bankers; all the salesmen are American; the Belgians make the chocolate; the Swedes are the lovers; the goldmines are run by South Africans; all the storytellers are Irish; all the distillers are Scottish; the opera singers are Italian; the Danes are the brewers; all the spices are provided by Indians; the fishermen are Icelandic; all the footballers are Brazilian; the Spanish run the holiday resorts; and the Dutch are the merchants.

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